Will I Get Regular Deeds Again Urban Dictionary
Here at Corporate Bullshit HQ, we've been straying a bit from the usual definitions and getting into some other corporate crap. We were also OOO for a bit, but now it's time to get back to business with… another word for better.
Have you heard something like this at work?
"We need to determine how to better optimize this approach?"
Or maybe you've heard it with the word "best" instead… "How can we best optimize this situation?"
You're not alone. This is yet another disturbing corruption of regular speech in the quest for all corporate hacks to sound smarter than they really are.
Today's post continues the trend of following the rabbit hole down corporate crap lane, but will be more of a hybrid of a definition and a blog post/pet peeve. Onward!
"Better" Is Not Always Better
First, we'll define better.
Our friends at Merriam-Webster define better as a comparative of the word "good." Look through the definitions on that page. Nowhere on that page is "better" defined the way it is used in the opening paragraphs.
Scroll down far enough and you'll even see this: "IMPROVE and BETTER are general and interchangeable and apply to what can be made better whether it is good or bad."
So, if you're hacky enough to use the word better to describe the word improve, you're proving that you're stupid and redundant. It's like putting the prefix "ir-" in front of the word "regardless.
Quit being redundant. Quit trying to sound smarter than you are, because you're just making yourself sound dumb.
You can't "better optimize" or "best optimize" something. You can, however, just optimize it. If you're optimizing it, that automatically means that you're making – the situation, or the tactic, or whatever it is – you're making it the best it can be, or the most effective it can be without having to better optimize it.
Quit repeating yourself and you'll sound a lot smarter. Maybe we'll even agree to change your nickname in our contacts list from "hack" to "less of a hack." Or something better.
What's another word for better?
So, what can we say instead of better? Well, there's a little trick that writers and editors have been doing for years and it's called editing. Tons of writers spew out a whole bunch of baloney just to get it down on the page. Then comes the process of culling all the BS into a bit less BS, so maybe now what you wrote actually approaches something that sounds good and makes sense.
Yes, this one little trick can save your writing and your speech from being ridiculed by trolls on the internet, your coworkers, your husband or wife, even your kids!
Editing! Genius!
Here's what you do, take a second to think before you write that next email describing your plan of attack to your boss. (Plan of attack… maybe that should be a definition here, thoughts?).
If you find that you have the urge to use better or best as a descriptor or something, stop. Remember this post. Determine how stupid you might sound. Remove the descriptor. Hit send. Be pleased with yourself that you found a better way.
What if "better" is the right descriptor in my sentence?
But wait, Mr. Corporate BS! What if I feel like I need to describe something with "better" as an adjective in front of it? What do I do?
Well, we can admit that there may be proper ways of using the word. But our advice? Just don't do it.
At the very least, you must think about the word you are trying to describe. If the word is anywhere near improve, or is defined as making something better… you're better off leaving it out!
Here's a good example.
How can I best write this blog post? Okay, Dr. BS, this ain't gonna work.
How about… "How can I write this blog post better?" Or get rid of the word altogether and say "How can I write a great blog post?" Slightly different meaning, but definitely close enough.
When it comes to finding another word for better… well, we think you're better off just nixing it altogether.
Fin.
Stick it to the man
There is no doubt. If you're here, you're looking for a deep dive on how to fight the power, stick it to the man, and ditch the corporate bullshit that permeates your everyday existence.
Does the thought of "business casual" make you feel like a corporate jackass? Does the idea of wearing a tie make you want to die? Tucking your shirt in to a pair of khakis make you feel like you want to puke? We know how you feel. And we're here to help.
Whether you've been in the workforce for 40 years, or 4 days, we're sure you've witnessed at least some kind of corporate hack behavior. While we are all victims of the corporate lifestyle to some degree, there are ways you can fight back. Here are some of our favorite ways that we've learned to stick it to the man, from soup to nuts.
Little Rebellion #1: Untuck
This is one of our favorite ways to stick it to the man – subtle, easy, and mostly harmless. But mentally? It makes a huge difference.
As soon as you walk out that door at the end of the day, grab those lovehandles – I mean your shirt, sorry – pull up and out, maybe even show off those washboard abs that you get from sitting for 8 hours a day, and let that shirttail hang low baby! Fuck the man! Let them know how you really feel about "business casual." How do you like me now corporate hacks?! You see that, I can't be bothered to keep myself presentable for more than the exact amount of time you need to see my ass in that seat. Out the door, and I don't care anymore. Sayonara, suckers!
The feeling you get when you walk out the door each day might be the best feeling of your day, every day. So go ahead, you rebel, you, and stick it to the man. Untuck that shirt. Be free.
Little Rebellion #2: Stop Using Corporate Speak
Maybe the most important rebel move you can make at the office is to completely annul corporate speak from your vocabulary. This will really help you stick it to the man.
For one thing, half the point of the site you're on right now is to point out the absurdity of corporate speak and how it corrupts the way we talk at the office. Making a conscious effort to remove corporate jargon from your vocabulary is one of the best ways to stick it to the man. People might actually understand what you're talking about for once?
You know what I heard the other day? Somebody actually said this… "We have the fluidity to be nimble." What in the hell does this mean? I have no freaking idea. Without context it sounds pretty damn stupid doesn't it? The context was about the overall budget, but wouldn't it make more sense to say "we have enough money allocated to this category to be flexible in how we spend it?" Doesn't that make more sense to you? Instead, I just think of the old nursery rhyme: "Jack be nimble, jack be quick." And you know what? Corporate speak might as well be akin to baby babble anyway.
So, do your best to avoid getting sucked in by the gobbledygook that your peers are spewing and use real fuckin' words. Stick it to them and stick it to the man, man.
Little Rebellion #3: Bathroom Break(s)
Speaking of nursery rhymes… ever hear this one?
"Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time."
Sure, you might get an hour for lunch every day. And yeah, there's laws about breaks, especially for hourly employees (unreal that breaks are not mandated!) Nobody ever says anything about bathroom. We're so connected these days, you could work all day from the can! Might get a sore bum, and your legs might fall asleep – we don't have any experience with this – but hey, you're still doing your job, right? Why does it matter if you're on the john? To you, it might be a throne.
If you haven't heard, workers are kind of having a moment right now. Maybe we can begin to include the porcelain throne dwellers in the group that's looking for flexible work.
In all seriousness, there might not be a better way to work than to get paid for taking a dump. If you really want to stick it to the man… okay, we won't go there.
Unrelated side note:
There should really be a "Real Men of Genius" commercial about these.
Little Rebellion #4: Watch Netflix, Sports, or Whatever
A minor transgression that everyone commits without much of a second thought is surfing the work PC for personal reasons/work. This is not sticking it to the man. But if you're purposely watching Netflix, or your streaming service of choice, or European soccer, marble racing on YouTube, you're doing this one right.
Some workplaces might block these sites. Our response? Get an unlimited data plan. While it might be expensive, you'll feel good knowing that the extra expense is worth it. You're sticking it to the man.
Just stay away from the x-rated stuff… That might get you fired.
The Ultimate Way to Stick it to the man: Quit
You know, there's one way to solve all this that we haven't yet discussed.
Quit. There, I said it. Quit.
Do it. You won't.
Quit.
Circle back first.
Then, quit.
deep dive [dēp dīv] noun
1. Admitting that you hardly understood the topic at hand (deep dive meaning)
2. Telling yourself and your coworkers that you didn't actually try to understand the topic and now you have to make yourself sound smart by taking a deep dive into the weeds
Deep dive meaning used in a sentence:
Well, Tom, your original analysis sucked ass, why don't you take some time and do deep dive into the deep dive meaning?
I think we need do a deep dive into this topic before I reveal how truly incompetent I really am! Guess I'm working this weekend!
Deep dive synonyms
(for jackasses)
dig into [project/results/etc] – we need to dig into this jackass a little bit deeper to get a holistic understanding of his background
trawl – we need to trawl the waters, so to speak, for answers so we can totally bullshit these results to our corporate jackass boss
Deep dive meaning origin
Deep dive was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary in September 2020. The death knell rings for the English language yet again. The doomsday clock ticks forward. We're one step closer to the obliteration of the common man's English in favor of corporate speak.
It is interesting to see the evolution of the term throughout history, as it appears, according to MW's article above, that deep dive's meaning first reared its ugly head all the way back in the 1500s, before corporations even existed. From MW and this dude Thomas Bilson:
When you can dive deepe into your owne fansies, you thinke them as familiar to all others, as to your selfe.
— Thomas Bilson, The Survey of Christs Suffering , 1604
The deep dive meaning that we're accustomed to in today's corporate world naturally appeared in the 20th century. So goes the endless march of human stupidity.
The etymology of the word becomes difficult to follow as we transition into the information age. Some sources claim it rose to prominence from a company called IDEO and their brainstorming process. Others say
One thing's for sure: If you're asked to do a deep dive you better get ready for a long weekend, alcohol, and prepare to be asked to deep dive into your deep dive. Hope it's not a holiday weekend!
What can I say instead?
"I quit."
"I will make sure to actually put forth some effort this time, boss."
"This time'll be different. I swear."
"I will make sure I understand everything I am saying to you and that there is enough information here to make it worth your time."
If you ever find yourself with a deep dive on the tip of your tongue, just remember… you, too, can stop using meaningless corporate speak and business jargon in your every day life. Thousands of us recovering corporate hacks are out there. Join us.
If you want to learn more about the dictionary and its origins, read our About page.
soup to nuts [soop-tuh–nuhts] adjective
1. a fancier way of saying "the whole damn thing" or "from start to finish," because we all know that those phrases are just not descriptive enough to describe "the whole damn thing."
2. the corporate jackass's way to show that you're super involved and on top of it, that the project will be excellent and, of course, need no improvements.
Used in a sentence: We've prepared an entire project briefing from soup to nuts, but let's not get too in the weeds and down to the nitty gritty.
Also, in a pitch: We'll take care of all your needs, from soup to nuts! (One doesn't have to go far to find the humor here) Where's the soup? How 'bout the nuts?
Soup to nuts synonyms
(for jackasses)
From A to Z – at least this one makes some kind of sense (from start to finish of the alphabet)… still though, not great.
whole hog – This one is just funny. Can you imagine hearing this from a coworker, a client, or someone you hired? "Thanks for the project, Tim! We'll cook this thing whole hog for ya! Also, bacon!"
Soup to nuts origin
The actual origin of the phrase is not all that confusing. It comes from the culinary world and literally means a complete or impressive number of courses in a meal.
Wiktionary has nuts listed as a dessert in this context. Meals typically start with soup and/or salad. I don't think that I've eaten many meals that finish with nuts, but I guess it makes sense. You wouldn't say from soup to cake, would you? It just doesn't sound the same. And you're definitely not going to list out all your courses. People would think you're a psycho.
In the corporate world, this phrase was definitely adopted by some hack who might have transitioned from the culinary arts. "Hey, I have an idea. Let's insert culinary terms into something that has nothing to do with food?"
"Yeah, Bob!"
"Let's tell the client that we'll cover him from soup to nuts! It's like if we were serving a full course meal, only this is like 35 spreadsheets!"
Once again, Urban Dictionary has some excellent alternatives. Although, if you are caught doing these at work you might not last very long. Retaliatory actions are typically not tolerated at work, but we all know that one coworker who you would love to soup to nuts!
What can I say instead?
"We'll take care of all your needs."
"We'll make sure that everything is covered and double check it."
"We met all your requirements and suggestions."
Next time you're tempted to use the phrase, think about how stupid you sound when you tell someone that you're covering them from soop-tuh–nuhts. And maybe choose something else.
If you want to learn more about the dictionary and its origins, read our About page.
Circle back definition
circle back [sur-kuhl bak] verb
1. A phrase typically used by those in upper management, often when they have no idea what you're talking about or referencing; used to give the impression that the subject will be revisited, only to never bring it up again.
2. A way for corporate hacks to completely avoid a difficult topic or subject, leaving the ball in your court, the responsibility in your hands, and their success or failure completely riding on your own ability to handle (or not) the problem.
Circle back synonyms
(for jackasses)
return back – redundant, might as well be the same definition
check back in – might as well tell me it's never gonna get covered
take that offline-
Circle back origin
There's no doubt that the origin of the phrase is murky. We've heard it said that it started as a military term, where the troops would quite literally make a circle in the path back to their origin. Hence, the origin of the phrase. We have literally no proof of this, but we've heard it said!
More likely, this phrase was coined by some jackass manager who thought to himself, "Hmm, how can I completely ignore and utterly stump my coworker so that I never have to face this topic again? I know, let's tell him we'll circle back to it! It's completely meaningless." Time is a flat circle.
Urban Dictionary has some, er, choice words for this definition as well. Apparently the White House Press Secretary had some kind of snafu relating to this phrase in February 2021. Who knew corporate jargon had infiltrated the deep state?
Here's another good definition from Entrepreneur mag.
What can I say instead?
"Let's revisit this at a later time."
"We can return to this topic at [time]."
"When we get more information, we can discuss this topic."
You can literally say almost anything that means "let's stop talking about this and return to the topic at another moment in time" and it would be better than sur-kuhl bak.
If you want to learn more about the dictionary and its origins, read our About page.
Happy Monday! What's happening?
If it's your first time here, we're glad to have you on board. If you're a longtime employee, we don't have any loyalty to you and we don't care what you want. You can go to HR with a complaint, but it won't amount to anything. Oh, and I'm going to need those TPS reports.
Let's start with an ice breaker, shall we? Let's go around the room and we can all share our names and a fun fact about ourselves.
Corporate Bullshit
"How are you?"
"Oh, you know, living the dream!"
Pfftttt!!!
The corporate bullshit dictionary for jackasses was created by a couple young 20-somethings fed up with the ridiculous and confusing corporate jargon used by the desk monkeys at their corporate jobs. We started making fun of the stupidity of the words that usually just hide incompetence or the true meanings of things.
Instead of saying "circle back," why not just say "I'll get back to you?"
Instead of saying, "the ask," why not use plain 'effin English and say "the request," or "what we need to do…"?
As we laughed at the absurdity of all this, we started to compile a huge list of these dumb phrases that people use all the time in corporate America. That's pretty much how the idea for this blog was created. After a few years of tossing the idea around, we finally got to making the site. Hopefully, you find the definitions here to be not only true, but also entertaining. We'll also touch on corporate culture in general at times. So, we're letting you in on the joke here.
Join us as we lean in on this deep dive into the low hanging fruit to leverage the out of pocket deliverables and make sure we're on the same page.
We can take the discussion offline (in the comments below).
Source: https://www.corporatebullshitdictionary.com/posts/
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